I Need Your Grace: An Offer of Vulnerability

Journey With Me

“Eight-year-old Sarah would be proud of the woman you have become.”

A text, from an angel here on earth, whose words I will treasure always, flashed on my phone nearly a year ago.

The truth is I am not completely sure she would be. I have made a lot of mistakes. Felt a lot of pain, caused a lot of pain, lost friends and family members, lost myself even.

The road to who I am now has been riddled with struggles and hurts and also incredible moments of grace, love and compassion.

Sometimes that humility and forgiveness came on my knees, on the bathroom floor, in the middle of a hard battle with the demons that tormented me from the inside out.

I was driving this morning to get a new battery for my ride-on lawnmower - a new project I was able to successfully tackle and complete by myself - when one of my favorite songs, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol came on.

“I need your grace to remind me to find my own.”

In high school I had quotes plastered all over my bedroom walls. Some written in crayon, some typed on our StarWriter word processor, some cut from magazines.

Lyrics, provoking thoughts founds in books, magazines, advertisements have always hit me like a pause button.

Where the rest of the world freezes and I am in this state where the words cycle around and around in my head until they find the resonance they meant and land neatly in my heart.

Truth be told - don’t ask me about names of songs or lyrics or book titles or authors - I forget those details. Completely swept away in the sentiment and emotion I imagine that was required to come up with those words.

And overcome with gratitude that those words, often when I needed them most, found their way to me.

“I need your grace to remind me to find my own.”

As I tiptoe into this world of slowly removing so many masks of what and who people THINK I am, those words stuck with me as a reminder of why I feel so called to share.

Surface level has never worked well for me. I suck at small talk. I suck at casual. I suck at just going through the motions of life.

I can play the part - yes - but inside of me it feels like I’m dying in casual settings of chit-chat and frivalty.

Daring to step out of my shell, of the image and expectations most people have of me, showing my vulnerability, flaws, strength and grace is both freeing to myself yet also a call to others to tell them its okay to do the same.

We don’t always have to walk around with our armor on no matter how hard this world can be.

There are those of us out there who want the soft insides of your heart and soul and to learn what lights you up (and what breaks you down) not to feel like we have something to hold over you, but rather another layer of your most authentic self to love.

I share my words and inspirations and heartache and hope to give permission for you to do the same.
At this stage of the game, I want only those who are brave enough to lay down their swords and let their truest selves shine through - whatever that looks like.

I think that is what we are all craving most in this world not just connection but to be seen, to be unconditionally accepted.

To be authentically loved.

So, I will keep peeling off the costumes and layers I have acquired over the years to show you the heart of who I am, and I welcome, I invite, I hold space for you to do the same.
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For you to find your grace and to believe that your heart will still be held safe when you do.